FLORA: Quick Maude, it’s getting dark and there’s a heavy fog rising.
MAUDE: I’m coming Flora, I know how dangerous it is around these old Victorian Streets.
FLORA: Quick this way, it’s faster.
MAUDE: Are you sure?
FLORA: Hurry Maude, oh no!
MAUDE: What is it?
FLORA: Do you see up ahead? That shadowy outline of a man ?
MAUDE: With the top hat? Blocking the lane with his carriage?
FLORA: Ah did you see that flash of…
MAUDE: Yes I saw that glint of….
FLORA & MAUDE: sequins
MAUDE: Nooooo
FLORA: It’s Jack the Stripper
JACK: (nasal voice) Hit it
FX: Opening bars to Hot Chocolates “You Sexy Thing”
MAUDE: Let’s go back Flora
FLORA: We can’t because of that large wolf
FX: Woof Woof
FLORA: We’re trapped!
MAUDE: Quick grab that penny farthing
FLORA: In this skirt? Clearly designed by a man
MAUDE: Where is a phone box when you need it?
FLORA: I don’t know Maude as it hasn’t been invented yet.
MAUDE: Really? So how are we listening to hot chocolate?
FLORA: Oh did you see the way he just flung that cape on the ground?
MAUDE: Shocking. Someone has to wash that.
FLORA: Ah well. So how’s your mother Maude?
MAUDE: Not good, her hips bothering her.
FLORA: Looks he’s got his boot caught in his trousers
FX: Crash
FLORA: Here let me help you up
JACK: Ah Thank you
MAUDE: Well I have to say he’s very well mannered
FLORA: And I do quite like a man in a monocle
MAUDE: He’d be quite a catch if he wasn’t such a DIRTY PERVERT.
FLORA: Has a nice carriage though. Bit of money in the family. You’ve heard the rumours.
MAUDE: I have. (Yawns), he hasn’t even got his hat off yet.
FLORA: Oh he leaves that on
MAUDE: Really how do you know
FLORA: Erm, it was in the papers I think
MAUDE: I don’t recall that. Why did you suggest this road?
FLORA: Maude, what are you implying?
MAUDE: Well Flora maybe you get your kicks from this type of thing.
FLORA: That’s outrageous!
MAUDE: Well you are looking very intently at his long johns
FLORA: Because it’s all so shocking
MAUDE: (Calling out) Can we go soon? I’ve got a sick mother at home.
JACK: And the grand finale…..
FX: Gasp then silence
MAUDE: The rumours wrong. He’s not royalty. Not exactly the crown jewels here.
JACK: Hey, It’s a very cold night.
FX: Police whistle.
JACK: Got to scram, was lovely meeting you ladies.
MAUDE: I’d rather have been knitting
FLORA: Bye Jack
JACK: Till next time
MAUDE: Ha I knew it
Comic Ponder 