FX: Knock knock. A door creaks open.
Norma: Hello dears, can I help you?
Matt: Ah hello, my name is Matthew and this is my fiancée Sunita. We were due to do a house viewing of your home but I’m afraid the agent hasn’t turned up.
Norma: Ah I see, do you want to come in?
Sunita: Only if it’s alright with you, we wouldn’t want to intrude
Norma: Come in Sunita, I’m happy to show you round. I’m Norma.
Matt: Thank you Norma.
FX: Footsteps
Norma: This here is the kitchen,
Sunita: Very nice and clean.
Norma: I like a well scrubbed house.
Sunita: me too.
FX: Footsteps
Norma: And here is the first bedroom.
FX: Chains rattle and there is a scream
Matt: Good Lord, what was that?
Norma: Oh you can ignore that. It’s just Barry.
Matt: Who’s Barry? He didn’t….erm sound of this world
Norma: He’s not dear, he’s our resident ghost. But he won’t harm you.
Sunita: This home is only ten years old Norma. Where did the chains come from?
Norma: Oh that’s not chains dear, heaven forbid no. It’s handcuffs.
Matt: What happened ?
Norma: It’s nothing to worry about. Just a bit of S&M gone wrong that’s all. Was an accident. The firemen were right, should never play with fire. Mind you was good training for where he is right now.
FX: Rattle rattle ahhhh ahhhh
Norma: Oh shut up Barry
Matt: Does he do that very often?
Norma: Not too often although he does like an audience. Let me show you upstairs.
Sunita: Ah well we should really be going.
Norma: Oh don’t let a little thing like Barry put you off. And trust me it was a little thing, and I had all those firemen round and I had to worry about him. Too cruel. Now up the stairs.
FX: Footsteps and creaking stairs.
Norma: This is the second bedroom.
FX: A low growl.
Matt: Please tell me that was the dog.
Norma: No dear, just the other half.
Matt: Is he dead too?
Norma: How did you know? His upper half was found in the next bedroom so he can make a bit of a nuisance in there too.
Matt: Sorry Norma, but we’d better get going.
Sunita: Quick Matt, down the stairs.
FX: Sound of scuffling, a trip and crashing as they fall down the stairs.
Norma: Oh dear – not again. Always in a hurry, just like the agent. Well no point in dwelling on that, better start the cleaning.
FX: A chainsaw starts up.
Comic Ponder 