DOCTOR: Ah Mr Jones, so lovely to see you. How can I help?
MR JONES: I’m not happy about my hair transplant Doctor
DOCTOR: Really I thought it was a raging success. Take your hat off and let me have a look. Ah what a beautiful thatch.
MR JONES: It’s a toupee stapled to my head
DOCTOR: That’s an outrageous accusation
MR JONES: Here look at the staples.
DOCTOR: Well I know about those, but I did not use a toupee
MR JONES: A wig then
DOCTOR: Nope
MR JONES: Scruffy soft toy you found on the ground
DOCTOR: No
MR JONES: Dead hamster?
DOCTOR: No Mr Jones, it’s a merkin
MR JONES: What’s a merkin?
DOCTOR: It’s er a higher quality type of hair. I was lucky to get it, particularly as it gives you a lovely widows peak, just like David Beckham
MR JONES: It’s blonde and curly
DOCTOR: I can see that
MR JONES: I have straight black hair
DOCTOR: Yes
Silence
MR JONES: It doesn’t match
DOCTOR: Did you specify it had to match?
MR JONES: No, I just assumed it would
DOCTOR: Why did you assume that?
MR JONES: Because the purpose of a transplant to hide baldness in an inconspicuous way
DOCTOR: For some men perhaps. Not all. Yours is rather fetching. I fear you might be on the picky side?
MR JONES: I want a refund Doctor. I’m not happy at all.
DOCTOR: A refund? Absolutely not. I used the latest cutting edge technology.
MR JONES: A staple gun?
DOCTOR: Expertly applied. And you’re lucky we’re not using the nail gun anymore (under his breath) ungrateful
MR JONES: Doctor I thought the hair would be implanted into my scalp
DOCTOR: Ha, imagine if I’d done that with the blonde curls. How would I have been able to change that now that blonde curls aren’t good enough for you
MR JONES: I’d have had to dye and straighten the hair I suppose. However I was reading you could have transferred it from my own head
DOCTOR: From where?
MR JONES: From the parts that aren’t balding
DOCTOR: And leave those parts bare? Mr Jones I really you think you should leave surgical procedures to the professional’s.
MR JONES: Doctor I’m prepared to go to lawyers to recover my money
DOCTOR: That is your prerogative, however I think you’ll find the cost of a lawyer will outstrip any gain from suing me.
MR JONES: Then I’ll report you to the Ethics committee.
DOCTOR: Please do Mr Jones, now I must be cracking along. Don’t like to keep my squash buddies waiting, they’re on the BMA you know.
MR JONES: What is that?
DOCTOR: British Medical Association. Ethics Committee in fact. Enjoy your hair Mr Jones and stop tugging it.
MR JONES: It’s itchy
DOCTOR: Your body will never adjust to the staples if you keep tugging at it.
Comic Ponder 